Balance
or a libra I am not
I lead a chaotically creative life. Or maybe a creatively chaotic life. I suppose at times it is both. Although it doesn’t feel terribly chaotic to me most of the time because it’s my normal. I’m used to the lack of a steady routine, other than my purposefully slow mornings that I have now preserved for myself after decades of living on a school-based schedule of being awake before dawn in order to write, and shooing everyone out the door as quickly as possible in a flurry of truly-chaotic bags, shoes, coats, lunches and loud voices. I’m happy those days are behind me. Now it’s just me and my joe and my, er, Joe, and Wordle. Perfectly serene. Simple.
But the rest of my time looks different each day. I’m an independent contractor for two employers: one as an editor and one as a marketer. I love both of these roles. I’m also usually writing in one capacity or another. And in between projects, I’m working on the house, walking dogs, going to the gym (almost every day for weeks now!), gardening when we’re not in a massive drought, household chores, and so on. It’s a lot to coordinate, to be honest, but I’ve gotten very good at juggling so many responsibilities. This, to me, feels balanced—being able to live my life in between other required-of-me tasks.
I’ve patchworked this way for so long (my entire life) I think it’s ruined me for traditional work schedules, however. I had to attend a day-long summit for one of my jobs which required me to sit in a chair for about six hours and I thought I might lose my mind. When you work from home in various roles, you can work in strong productive bursts, and in between you can stretch your body and mind in other capacities. Sitting in a chair all day long kills my brain cells. After a few hours, my attention begins to waiver, all I can think about is how bad my lower back hurts (thank you bulging discs), how the speaker’s voice grates on my nerves, and that I’ve reached an information threshold that will not allow any more details to enter the fortress. It’s exhausting and it murders creativity, which is what you want your summiters to walk away with—creative ways to tackle their jobs. Fortunately, in most cases, I can make it through these intensives because I know they are temporary and I do come away with some golden nuggets. I only wish I didn’t have to sit the entire time.
I’m also way more productive in my own writing life when I’m juggling several projects or roles. I think there’s sort of this natural switch in my brain that says: Jessica, you only have two hours today to write so you better get this shit done. And I figure out how to squeeze it in. When I’m forced to literally or figuratively sit at a desk for five, six, nine hours in a day, that voice only says: No more thinking, thank you very much. It sucks the life out of me.
The major downsides to this patchwork life I’ve created are:
Lack of stability or dependability that there will always be steady work/pay.
Managing finances.
This is where I need to learn a better balance. While the workload and quality of life is good, it’s not secure, and doesn’t really earn me enough money yet. I’m also lost when it comes to taxes, tracking expenses, etc… I hate every second of the math part. So I tend to ignore it, which is a really bad idea. I need to compartmentalize the financial part the way I can with my personal writing. Squeeze it in. Get that shit done. But I am sagittarius.
If anyone has tips on this part, I’m all ears. And I’d love to hear what your favorite work schedules are, also. Do you thrive on a set daily routine or are you more of a creative-chaotic like me? How do you find the best balance between the things you enjoy doing and what you do not?