I cried all the way through this. Thank you for sharing Joe’s handwriting with us, as it’s so personal.
And no, grief is not yet the right word. Grieving is the tricky emotional process of moving into the past what your brain still thinks of as your present. You aren’t there yet. No rush.
This is so beautiful, and I'm grateful you shared it. As an only partially reformed hoarder :) I'm so glad he is surrounding you. I hope you find him over and over again in his games and pictures and notes.
Oh Jess, this is so sad and beautiful. But mostly sad. I have to admit that I was fully expecting the miracle both of you deserved and am heartbroken that it didn't happen. Thank you for sharing Joe's words with us and know that we love you, too.
Me too. Although I knew from diagnosis the prognosis was not good, I still thought if anyone could surprise us, it was Joe. And he did. Three years is actually really impressive for esophageal cancer. I still wish it had been more like ten...
Jess, I have no words of value here. I just think of you every day. I see you and Joe in Zionsville and in all the images you both posted online of each other over the years. When it gets difficult in the quiet, know that you have so many friends who loved both of you very much and, as much as it's possible for us, we're holding you. Meaning, we know the gulf between love and loss you're feeling and we know we can't totally fill it, but we'll try in every way possible. You have friends and writer family everywhere. Lean on us. We'll grieve with you, and we'll distract you if you need that. You are loved, and you are exceptional. Joe knew that. We know that. We'll keep his memory alive in this world, and keep him close to you however you want us to, and we'll keep you. We love you.
Truly the only gift we get from cancer is the gift of time--time for both sides to say goodbye. And the most precious gift is to be with someone as they leave this world. How wonderful Joe gave you so many gifts during your time together and now in his passing. You will cherish them always. XXOO
You are absolutely right. The time was so, so important to us both. We made the most of every healthy day, and tried to just get through the others, together. I am very grateful it wasn't a sudden loss, and instead a gradual letting go for both of us. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but it gives me something to be thankful for in the middle of the pain.
The fact that you were able to sit down and write this shows how much you ARE loved and held and that he is nestled in your heart. I see a dragon tattoo in your future. I see lots of pens always surrounding you. Stacks of journals on your desk. Maybe a smaller coffee pot, but not a smaller life. Because Joe has ensured that your heart is just as big, if not even bigger. Love you. Keep swimming. Keep writing. You are so loved. And so is he.
I had to write something. I spend so much time staring into space, it's maddening. And you're right--I will not minimize my life, at least not ultimately. For a while, though, I think it's going to be very small. Just me and the pups and whatever I accomplish in a day. Eventually, at least this is what I hope, I'll bloom again.
My heart breaks for you, but also how sweet to have known that love and for him to find a way to show it one last time. You’ll have that journal forever until you hopefully meet up with him again.
Beautiful, Jess. You were indeed loved so profoundly and thoroughly. I texted Nicole V. as soon as I'd heard of Joe's passing that if anyone deserved better, it was you two. Thank you for sharing Joe with the rest of us. He was always so present, especially for other writers and students, and you supported that. And thank you for sharing your heart with us. That's what a writer does -- they stand as a witness to both the unbearable and the transcendent that is part of the human condition. It's what helps make the rest of us know we're not alone. You are not alone. <3
I have no words for you. I feel privileged to share a moment of this love between the two of you.
I cried all the way through this. Thank you for sharing Joe’s handwriting with us, as it’s so personal.
And no, grief is not yet the right word. Grieving is the tricky emotional process of moving into the past what your brain still thinks of as your present. You aren’t there yet. No rush.
yeah--I really have no idea what is in store...I wish I didn't have to find out.
This is so beautiful, and I'm grateful you shared it. As an only partially reformed hoarder :) I'm so glad he is surrounding you. I hope you find him over and over again in his games and pictures and notes.
Oh Jess, this is so sad and beautiful. But mostly sad. I have to admit that I was fully expecting the miracle both of you deserved and am heartbroken that it didn't happen. Thank you for sharing Joe's words with us and know that we love you, too.
Me too. Although I knew from diagnosis the prognosis was not good, I still thought if anyone could surprise us, it was Joe. And he did. Three years is actually really impressive for esophageal cancer. I still wish it had been more like ten...
Jess, I have no words of value here. I just think of you every day. I see you and Joe in Zionsville and in all the images you both posted online of each other over the years. When it gets difficult in the quiet, know that you have so many friends who loved both of you very much and, as much as it's possible for us, we're holding you. Meaning, we know the gulf between love and loss you're feeling and we know we can't totally fill it, but we'll try in every way possible. You have friends and writer family everywhere. Lean on us. We'll grieve with you, and we'll distract you if you need that. You are loved, and you are exceptional. Joe knew that. We know that. We'll keep his memory alive in this world, and keep him close to you however you want us to, and we'll keep you. We love you.
Thank you, Tiffany. I do feel held by the universe of friends we both have.
Truly the only gift we get from cancer is the gift of time--time for both sides to say goodbye. And the most precious gift is to be with someone as they leave this world. How wonderful Joe gave you so many gifts during your time together and now in his passing. You will cherish them always. XXOO
You are absolutely right. The time was so, so important to us both. We made the most of every healthy day, and tried to just get through the others, together. I am very grateful it wasn't a sudden loss, and instead a gradual letting go for both of us. Doesn't make it hurt any less, but it gives me something to be thankful for in the middle of the pain.
The fact that you were able to sit down and write this shows how much you ARE loved and held and that he is nestled in your heart. I see a dragon tattoo in your future. I see lots of pens always surrounding you. Stacks of journals on your desk. Maybe a smaller coffee pot, but not a smaller life. Because Joe has ensured that your heart is just as big, if not even bigger. Love you. Keep swimming. Keep writing. You are so loved. And so is he.
I had to write something. I spend so much time staring into space, it's maddening. And you're right--I will not minimize my life, at least not ultimately. For a while, though, I think it's going to be very small. Just me and the pups and whatever I accomplish in a day. Eventually, at least this is what I hope, I'll bloom again.
This is so beautiful and heartbreaking. Your love for each other is eternal.
Love does win. Thank you for being a generous hearted writer through it all. ❤️
Sending you love and light ❤️
Oh Jess. So beautiful. So heartbreaking and heartbreaking filling. I’ve been thinking about you so much and am grateful for this dispatch. ❤️
Love you, Jess. I sure do.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, radiant heart, as shattered as it is, and in the process creating an opening for love to save us all.
K
My heart breaks for you, but also how sweet to have known that love and for him to find a way to show it one last time. You’ll have that journal forever until you hopefully meet up with him again.
Beautiful, Jess. You were indeed loved so profoundly and thoroughly. I texted Nicole V. as soon as I'd heard of Joe's passing that if anyone deserved better, it was you two. Thank you for sharing Joe with the rest of us. He was always so present, especially for other writers and students, and you supported that. And thank you for sharing your heart with us. That's what a writer does -- they stand as a witness to both the unbearable and the transcendent that is part of the human condition. It's what helps make the rest of us know we're not alone. You are not alone. <3
He was so present. I hope to carry him forward by getting better at that myself. <3
This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing, Jess.
Joe is (not was- on purpose ) SO COOL.
No matter how many people in my life pass on, ugh, it f**king sucks.
Your words are visceral. I can feel that emptiness and shock. But to experience it w a partner / husband ? That’s another level.
Currently I write journalistically. Creative stories I’ve yet to attempt. I love hearing about the studio and journals.
Love to you.
I’m here to just listen if you ever need it.
I love pens. I’ll need a pen. 🩷💜